Talking to older relatives about scams

Why this conversation matters

Fraudsters target older people for practical reasons: many have savings or property, are at home during the day, answer the phone to unknown numbers out of politeness, and may be less familiar with how modern online scams work. Loneliness after a bereavement or retirement can make a friendly stranger especially welcome. None of this means older people are less capable. It means the scripts are designed with them in mind, so a little preparation goes a long way.

How to start without lecturing

Most people react badly to being told they might be fooled. A conversation goes better when it is two-way and practical.

• Start with a story. A news report, something that happened to a friend, or a scam message you received yourself. "Have you had anything like this?" opens the door gently.
• Ask about their experience. Many older people have already received suspicious calls and handled them well. Acknowledge that.
• Talk about you too. Mention the time you nearly clicked a fake delivery link. It makes the topic about everyone, not about them.
• Keep it short. Several short conversations work better than one long talk.
• Choose a calm moment. A relaxed visit or a walk is better than straight after a worrying call, when emotions are already running high.

Agree a few family rules

Simple, shared rules are easier to follow under pressure than long explanations. For example:

1. We never share codes or secret words. No one in the family reads out a code from a text message or shares a recovery phrase with anyone, ever.
2. We hang up and call back. If a call is about money, we end it and call the organisation on a number we already have.
3. We have a family code word. If someone calls claiming to be a relative in trouble, we ask for the word.
4. We talk before we pay. Any unexpected payment, especially one involving crypto, gift cards or a "safe account", is discussed with someone in the family first.

Write the rules down, with the numbers of a few trusted people, and keep the sheet by the phone. Our family checklist is designed for this.

Practical help, with permission

With their agreement, you can help set up protections together: switching on automatic updates, adding two-factor authentication to e-mail, saving bookmarks for their bank and other important sites, and enabling call-blocking features offered by their phone or provider. Some banks let customers name a trusted contact. Show how each step works rather than doing it silently, so that they stay in control of their own accounts.

Make it easy to ask for help

The most useful outcome of any conversation is that your relative feels comfortable calling you when something seems odd, without fear of being judged. Say it plainly: "If anything about money or a strange call ever worries you, ring me, any time. I would much rather check ten harmless calls than miss one scam." Then follow through by answering calmly when they do call, even when the message turns out to be genuine. Each relaxed check makes the next call more likely.

If they want to learn about crypto

Some older relatives are genuinely curious about crypto, and that is fine. Encourage them to learn from neutral educational sources and from regulators' consumer pages rather than from adverts, social media groups or new online contacts. Agree that any decision involving money will be discussed with someone they trust first, and remind them that no legitimate person will ever ask for a recovery phrase or promise certain gains.

Warning signs to notice

• A new online friend or romantic partner whom nobody has met.
• Sudden interest in crypto, or talk of a platform someone is "helping" them with.
• Unusual secrecy about money or phone calls.
• Requests to borrow money, or unusual withdrawals and transfers.
• New apps on their phone or computer that they cannot explain, especially remote-access tools.
• Anxiety after phone calls, or mention of an "investigation" they must not discuss.

If you notice these, ask open questions rather than accusing. "Tell me more about them" works better than "That is obviously a scam."

If they have been scammed

Shame keeps many victims silent, and fraudsters rely on that. Your first reaction sets the tone. Thank them for telling you, say clearly that it is the criminal's fault, and move straight to practical steps: contacting the bank, reporting to the police and securing accounts. Stay alert afterwards, because people who have been defrauded are often targeted by recovery scams.

In the US, the Department of Justice runs the National Elder Fraud Hotline for people aged 60 and over and their families: 1-833-FRAUD-11 (1-833-372-8311). In the UK and the EU, see our reporting page.

This guide is general safety education. It is not financial, legal or security advice for your individual situation, and it does not recommend acquiring, holding or disposing of any crypto-asset. If you think you are dealing with fraud, contact your bank and the police.